My Journey

“I decided to start this blog to help me put into words the pain, but also the love of having a son and then getting separated from him.”

A Personal Journey

This is a personal journey that has just started, and my Honest Hope is that this journey will be a short one. If our beloved Jesus returns soon or I can go Home too, to meet my Creator, my precious boy, mom and dad. But it can be a long journey too, if the months and maybe years pass for our Glorious Hope to be fulfilled.

Either way, a short or a long journey, it is a painful one. 

So far I am not able to use any of Joshua's pictures in this blog. I can not see his pictures or videos without breaking down into tears.

I spend many moments of the day on his bedroom, where I find peace, but I am not able to open his closet or drawers and face his t-shirts, hoodies, socks or pants. It is painful, too painful for me.

I know one day I will feel strong enough to open the closet, cry and hug his clothes, his shoes and be able to move forward. So far I am not.

The love of a mother is very strong. When your boy is hurt you hurt even more. When your boy is bullied you can't sleep or work. Just thinking how his day is at daycare or school, or with his friends causes you to worry. When your boy received his first disappointment, the pain is real as a mom. You don't know what to do to ease his pain. But he has to grow, he has to learn.

I just received in the mail an interlocking necklace with two rings: "Mom and Joshua".

I never imagine having to wear this necklace because I didn't have him with me anymore. It is a - deep void - kind of feeling. But my husband hugs me and says, "Remember we will see him again". And yes, this is the Hope that keep me going, Trusting! ..... I will see him again!