The Armchair vs the Wheelchair

Grief is a very strong feeling. It does not go away no matter how hard you try to suppress it.

My Joshua left us to be with our Lord a year ago, and with the time, the heart gets heavier.

My heart broke so many times in my life before. I think I am stronger because of that.

However, God's strength is more real in my life with every set back, because you can see that if it were not for God you would not be able to continue.

The past few days I started reading a beautiful book "God Mysterious Ways" by Gary Inrig; in which he, a retired pastor, recalls his own experience with grief.

He retells the story of her daughter dying of cancer and leaving two precious boys behind and intermingle their story with Joseph amazing life story.

No matter how many times I read Joseph story or I read commentaries about God's provision, perfect plan, and God's sovereignty through Joseph life; I always learned to look at it in different ways.

There is an allegory on the book, where he talks about the "armchair" vs the "wheelchair" experience that caught my attention.

He explains how at one point in his ministry he was getting ready to prepare a series of sermons and he suggested to his congregation to submit questions of topics they would like to approach. He thought about many possible topics, including the very common, "Why God allows suffering?"
He thought he was very well prepare to tackle this topic and many others; after being on many hospitals beds helping his church members to be ready to meet their Creator. He thought he would very well verse to respond on this topic, being close to the sickness and death of many on his aging congregation and close relatives.
However, nothing prepare him for what he had to experience weeks after, when her 40 year-old daughter was diagnosed with brain cancer. After several months of hospitals visits with his wife and daughter, chemo treatments and unsuccessful operations. Her daughter ended up on a wheelchair, unable to move her arm and leg.
He also found himself on the "wheelchair" experience. He experienced the pain directly instead of the "armchair", from the distance, from a theological point of view.
His Faith. His Trust in God, was tested. His believes were shaken. He has to remind himself of the character of God: who God is, who the Bible says God is, to be able to keep trusting God.
The author of the book also retells the story of scholar John Feinberg, who while working on his doctoral dissertation he wrote about the problem of evil and suffering, "The Many Faces of Evil".
Dr. Feinberg admits, "If anyone had thought about this and was prepared to face affliction, surely it was I." Then few years later, Feinberg's wife was diagnosed with Huntington's chorea, a disease that would attack her brain with increasingly severe symptoms, and may have been transmitted genetically to their children.
Suffering was no longer an armchair matter; it was up close and personal now. "I had," Dr. Feinberg writes, "all these intellectual answers, but none of them made any difference in what I felt....."
The problem was not that intellectual answers had no value; it was that the pain and uncertainty of what they were enduring overwhelmed everything else.
He recounts a very wise comment from his father: "John, God never promised to give you tomorrow's grace for today. He only promised today's grace for today, and that's all you need!" after that, Dr. Feinberg said, "I began to readjust my focus from the future to the present. I will begin each day asking God for the grace just to sustain me that day. As that prayer was answered day after day, I gained more assurance that God would be there when things got worse."

Back to the author of the book he said:

"The wheelchair view forces a new perspective on us. We watched others coming and going, apparently living a normal life free from concern, while we struggled with obstacles we would never face, or even noticed before." 
In the book, the pastor beautifully displays Joseph story and the Hand of God on every step of Joseph's life.
He said: "Joseph must have felt the same way as he wrestled for sleep in the darkness on his slaves quarters, struggling to keep hope alive, asking "Why me?" Why now? Why this? What next?"

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We know the God of the "Old of Ages" with no beginning and no end.

The creator of everything, the universe, the galaxies, the earth and all living things including us, His creation. The All Powerful, All Knowing, All Wise God. Our God so great and yet so personal. He lives inside of us!

Even in the “wheelchair” experience there is Hope!

Jesus being our King, choose to die for us! Because His love and obedience to God the Father. Jesus went through the “wheelchair” experience by choice (love and obedience).

While He was ready to go to die on the cross, while dying on the cross - "Because of the joy awaiting Him, He endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now He is seated in the place of honour beside God's throne." Hebrews 12:2

When you think of that loving God. He does not make mistakes; He is not caught out by surprise when bad things happen to us. When tragedy reach us, He knows and He hurts with us, He is no stranger to suffering.

He knows every detail of my life, even before I was born, all the way, until He calls me Home. Every detail of my life He knows it all.

He knew every detail of Joshua's life. Even before, I started praying to Him to grant me a baby. He knew the time, place, and family where Joshua will be placed on this earth; and, yes, He knew that exact time and circumstances when He will call my Joshua Home.

Quoting the book, again:

- "22 years after his brothers sold him into slavery, he greeted them with a remarkable insight: "you sold me here, but God sent me before you to preserve life". (Gen. 45:5). In no way did God's purpose change the brother’s evil actions into something good. Nor did God's purpose erase the suffering of Joseph's days as a slave and prisoner. However, God used the very things that threatened to destroy Joseph as instruments to accomplish divine purposes through him. Those years of pain could have broken Joseph; instead God used them to build and prepare him."

- "The central challenge in our lives is not to explain suffering, but rather to be the kind of people who can face suffering and make it work for us and not against us .... Nobody will deny that what happens to us is important. But what happens in us is also important, because that will help to determine what happens through us" Pastor Warren Wiersbe.

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I remind myself that Joshua is well loved, care and blessed. He is in the presence of Jesus! He is surrounded by perfect peace, love, and joy. God's presence!

I remind myself daily that I am not the only one suffering in this world. I am not the only one who miss a love one this year.

The pain we presently experience on this world remind us that here is not our Home. This is just a temporary, imperfect, broken place. A passing through place. - "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18

I guess Jesus felt the same way; He knew His time on this earth was just temporary, He knew His real Home was with God the Father. He knew His real purpose on this earth. He knew that if He endured the cross, He would bring Hope to all of us His children!

Jesus knew the Glorious future He will gain for all of us if He reminds faithful to God the Father.

Because His perfect obedience to God the Father, His love for Him and His love for us. He endured the cross, resurrected at the third day, defeated death and gave us Hope. The Blessed Hope of His Soon Return for his church! - "Waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ,"- Titus 2:13

"The “blessed hope,” then, is the joyful assurance that God will extend His benefits to us and that Jesus Christ will return. We are waiting for this event now. Jesus said He would return (John 14:3), the angels said He would return (Acts 1:11), and the epistles say He will return. Jesus could come back at any time for His church!" - Taken from: https://www.gotquestions.org/blessed-hope.html

Quoting the book again:

“One of the harsh blessings of the “wheelchair” experience is that it drives us to dependence. Dependence on God”. 1 Peter 4:19

I can say that I had to depend on God every day, hour and minute of this past year without Joshua. His daily Word in many scriptures, repeatedly: “Trust Me”, “Trust the Lord”.

"Joseph’s character was being deepen and refined – but the process was a painful one”

“His dreams hadn’t merely been derailed – they had been destroyed. Yet it is the prison that threatened to engulf him would become his entryway into the presence of Pharaoh himself”.

“Joseph’s experience is testimony to the fact that when things are the darkest and hardest. God is most present with us” Isaiah 41:10

“Our lord often uses the hardest of places to make us, not to break us”.

I hope that every time that I cry remembering Joshua, God will be working His purposes. I am not a very patience person. Then, waiting for Jesus return will be the hardest thing in the weeks and months ahead. Being in the “wheelchair” demands a lot of patience. My prayer now:” God help me to endure, but please Come Lord Jesus, Come!” Revelation 22:20.

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